Wisdom of the fools
I’m fairly certain that I do, in fact, remember the night at BGSU that Adam is talking about in his most recent “End of the Eighties” flashback on New Order’s Bizarre Love Triangle. Of course, it’s also entirely possible that my corroboration is something less than trustworthy.
At any rate, whether what follows is actually a part of that night or from an evening of similar events – I’ll add this small bit of reawakened and semi-related memory:
Early that freshman year, while we were all hanging out in Jeff’s room, I was sitting on the lower bunk when an odd realization crept into my head.
I was sitting on the lower bunk. Just sitting there, legs off the side, goofing around, not even noticing that I was sitting on the lower bunk.
This is important why? Because back in our room, sitting on the lower bunk was impossible. Oh, I slept there just fine – Adam had the top bunk – but the space between the top my mattress and the bottom of his support springs was just enough for me to prop my head up on my pillow and read with a book leaning against my knees. To actually sit on my bunk chair-style, you had to put your butt on the very edge of the mattress and rest your elbows on your legs, sticking your shoulders, neck and head out from beneath Adam’s bed frame.
So here I am in Jeff’s room, and it dawns on me that man does this lower bunk have some serious head space: I can sit straight up!
This is when we take notice of the four metal extenders which insert into the top of the bottom set of bedposts and click solidly into the bottom of the upper bed’s legs. They’re probably about 16 or 18 inches long, and not only do they make things roomier, they … secure … the beds …
HOLY SHIT I’VE BEEN SLEEPING ON THE BOTTOM OF A STEEL HOUSE OF CARDS!
Indeed: When Adam and I moved into our dorm room the week before school, we opted, as many roommates do, to bunk the beds and save space. We had wooden lofts ordered, but they weren’t due for delivery for a couple weeks, so we just stacked the beds. Yes, seriously – we just stacked one bed on the other. Now, granted, the beds went in a corner, so there were two walls of support, but still, the corner posts of these things were only maybe two inches by two inches, so it’s not like there was a lot of wiggle room.
Either Adam or I suddenly pointed to these support posts and, it what must have seemed quite the non sequitur, demanded of Jeff: “Hey – where did you get these?!?”
“Um … they give them out when you tell them you want to stack the beds.”
Our friends Jen and Erin support his assertion: “Yeah. You just go to the front desk and ask for a set.”
The light bulb goes on collectively as we all realize that I have been dozing in a deathtrap every night, with naught but sixteen square inches of contact surface between me and a Sherman-tank-worthy dorm room bed poised above.
It is, naturally, hilarious.
And yes, Adam and I left them that way until they delivered our lofts. (Because now, ladies, John Booth was a man living on the edge, a man looking danger in the face, a man too lazy to bother with common self-preservation sense.)
At the end of the year, when they took the lofts out, we did get a set of those supports for the last few weeks of school. No sense in pushing my luck.
No comments yet.